Loveless

It's way too late to say I love you!

my fear is paying off!

I lose you..

I lose you...

for my entire life

I'm the most stupid person ever!

My shadow haunts me everyday for this mistake

I let you go easily..

I give that b*tch chance to get closer to you..

and 'good bye' was your last words I heard on that day

You've waited me for quite long time,

but I was too scare to move..

I love you, but I couldn't get you..

She were between us..

trying to get your attention and sending me to this broken bridge

Noooo.. she won the war!

I regret it..

you might think I never tried!

YES.. such a big mistake for me..!

I let you go easily..

and it's hurting me now...

I still wish we could be together again..

but after this long time..

why it seems like you've changed?

you praise her and start loving her?

does she really love you?

does she give her best to you?

I have doubt…

you stare at me and smile,

softly you whisper to me, "yes, she does and I love her so much"

I’m breathless…

*Photo Credit: sandeep99980(.)blogspot(.)com & loveizlyf(.)blogspot(.)com

Only Best Friend.. -Broken Heart Poetry

Why….

you stare at her only when I were sitting next to you..

why…

you praise her only like a million kryptonite when I always there beside you,

why…

she seems to be so much worthy for you,

I’m like a crap!

I couldn't pretend myself,

I’m the first hurt when you were sad,

I’m the first worry when you get scared,

and I’m always here..

listen how exciting you told me about her,

listen your song made for her..

see how you fall in love,

you don’t ever realize how I look at you deeply,

my face was plain, you are the only in my heart,

expecting there’s a little hole in your deep heart for me,

Is it possible?

If I were lost, will you try to find me?

or you just don’t care?

I’m only your best friend..

only best friend…

you can find another me..

in Mars may be..

*Photo Credit: look1 123rf(dot)com

It is Rain!

It is 00.40 am,

I was sitting on my bed room and type an article,

I turn the light off,

and it is rain

I feel so blessed for each rain,

the water pouring down from the sky,

wash us with the feeling mercy,

make me feel so enough today

it is rain,

I raise my hand and pray,

“Lord, protect us! Protect my husband and my little angel.. save us from trouble and keep us warm”

I sank in the serenity and deep in peace,

suddenly I hear the voice speak to me softly,

“close your notebook, go to sleep and hug your baby girl in warm embrace”

tThis room getting so colder and colder,

I have been so busy lately, have very few time for her,

“Oh, God, please forgive me!”

I am going to turn off my computer now,

it is still rain,

and all I want to do is to sleep beside my daughter and hug her

*Photo Credit: physicsworld(dot)com

Do You Live in Small Aquarium??

I am a small fish,

but I was trapped,

in this empty small aquarium

I can see the sea near my house

but I just could do nothing

it is a far place.. very far place!

a far..far…place

that I could never ever reach!!

I have no friend,

really… !

I feel so empty and nothing,

I can see you hanging around with friend,

laugh out loud and knowing you are loved,

I can see your happiness,

your face seems brighten the world,

but I am here,

spending my entire life to paint my awkward,

I am even a stranger my self,

an odd!

If I could wish then I would rather to be you,

a happy fish, a lovely fish!

have friends to talk to and warm family

no sadness, just the rejoice

If I could wish I would rather to be you,

able to do everything you want to do,

no sorrow but smile,

I am just the burdened of me,

my shadow even walks away!

no… I want to run..!

I want to run.. away.. from myself

but…….. I am just small fish,

God does not want me,

No one does not want me,

I am just small fish,

small ugly fish!

in this small aquarium,

in this malfunction,

Alone!

*Photo Credit:  www(dot)amazon(dot)com

It’s Our Place

You said it’s our place,

where there’s no one around,

It’s only you and me…

in this silence of cloud,

it's our secret room

no noise and crowded even disturb….

You said it’s our place,

when we made our love last for forever,

nothing could explain, only both of us understand,

how laughter and pain blended as one eternal substance

You said it’s our place,

you promise  to stand beside me always,

when the night comes, the star will shine us with hope for the future,

when rain comes, we will be much stronger than we were,

and when the sun shines too strong, it reminds you to save me in distance

I was saying enough, but we keep moving on

I’m so grateful to have you in life

you save me from my nightmare

you take me when I falling down

you know I almost give up that time..

then your warm embrace tell me how diamond is still so beautiful in mud

It’s our place,

when people keep whispering of us and we keep going,

nothing to compare, I don’t care what the world said,

I’m happy being with you,

I’m glad to have you,

I’m proud standing beside you each time I open my eyes..

It’s our place,

we’ll last forever in eternity,

covering our life with laughter and affection,

no one have to know…

that’s the crowded run away

Photo Credit: HD Nature Picture

When I Say Good Bye….

It’s time to say good bye…

this is the end…

not end of anything,

but my ordinary day…

It’s time for me to say good bye,

the rain has gone, my rainbow was appearing,

it was not colorful,

too dark and look pale…

It’s time for me to say good bye..

good bye is hurt, memories is hurting too…

I know something left within…

I can’t take it back…

can’t take it back…

It’s time for me to say good bye..

thank you my dear…

see you in a glance may relieve me..

but it’s my end already...of everything,

It’s time for me to say good bye,

well. I’m not in grieve..

well, I’m not in regret,

and I’m not sad,

everything’s fine for me

I’m glad passing the moment with you..

the memories follow me..

stay in my heart forever

when I say good bye and see your “good-bye smile”..

 Photo Credit: orientalsparkle(.)blogspot(.)com

as I’m The Perfect Grief…

don’t ask me anything when I’m sad,

keep your mouth in silence,

stop your curiosity  or I might guilt to set you in pain

as I’m the perfect grief…

don’t try to catch me when I’m on my tears

I try to hide it from the world…

I’m broken anytime ..somehow,

but letting you know will be my biggest mistakes,

just stop your curiosity,

as I’m a perfect grief...

In my silence I speak,

how everything is getting mess and mess,

It’s getting bigger and bigger for each second,

it starts scaring me  for sure,

I could not make up my mind,

and I don’t want anyone to know..

that I cry and want to scream out in most of my times,

as I almost meet my end..

as I almost end within my tragedy…

was and still, perfect grief was my destiny,

you don’t have to understand,

you don’t have to know,

let it be my burdened,

let me face it and make me grow  weaker,

well in fact I’m still so thankful…

I’m not commit for anything,

I’m not cry for every injured

it was my grief in silence,

It speaks in my world and people would not understand,

That I feel so lost, insecure and go astray,

It’s way too far… and no one can’t even save me,

not even Lord!

nothing but emptiest hole in my heart

*Photo Credit: Silver Spiral

Almost The Time- Broken Heart Poetry

It’s almost the time,

when I can’t stand anymore and wish to get out of your life,

I’m tired , deep down, and frustrated,

with all of your lies and misbehaves

I cry, well you don’t have to know..

I’m the hero of your life, exactly I’m not!

I give up, well you don’t have to understand

all that you’ve got, I’m the tough one

this just you don’t really know me!

I’m weak..

trapped into my valley and keep my pain in silence,

three years was full of sacrifice,

it’s enough for me to get off,

I’m give up…

as you expected..

you said I’m a great person..

well, you never saw my frightened  above my own shadow,

you thought I’m strong and ready to die for,

that you can’t read me when I was smile in fake

I pretend, indeed…

I was pretending and act so well…

I thought you will know since you claim understand me

but it’s false..,

false… false and false…

to be with you was my biggest mistake then!

and it’s almost the time

for me to give  it up and show my white flag,

end of my journey..

end of my fight…

end of my sacrifice…

end of my dedication…

my salvation bag is ready to go…

Photo Credit: Favim

Dear My Daughter...

Dear my  daughter,

I know you  are only 5 months fetus now, but I believe you’ll be the sunlight of my life,

You’ll be my beautiful rainbow after the rain and the dark cloud,

You’ll be the blossom flower after summer,

and everyone fond of to pick you up, but I won’t let them! 

Dear my daughter..

I can hear you inside…

I promise won’t let you alone

I promise to always by your side, through the morning and night,

You’ll be my cute healthy baby,

I’ll spend my 24 hours quality time for you, make sure you get more than enough,

You‘ll be my enchanted princess of my life,

Everyone want to have you, but I won’t let them…

until time tells me to do so..

I will let you grow…

I’m behind you when you need help and friend to talk to,

I’m more than a mother, I’ll be your best friend,

I’m more than your mother, I’ll be your third eyes in this dark world,

I will let you dream, think, choose and fight for your desire, but here I’m watching for you,

I will respect your choice, but always ready for giving you great advice,

I will guide you and show you the right road,

You’ll be my array and I will let you fly by giving you a half of my wings.

I’m more than mother, I’ll be your everything.

May be someday I become so annoying,

but you have to remember, I love you more than you do.

Dear my  daughter..

I can’t wait the moment I hold you and see your beautiful smile..

I hope 3 months ain’t gonna be a  long time…

I’m going to be your mother,

it's for sure..

I just can’t wait… to see you soon.

 *I wrote this poetry when I was 5,5 months pregnant. It was the day after I saw the fetus through USG and doctor said it could be the baby girl. I dedicated this poetry for my lovely daughter. I love her since the first time I knew she would be mine. Her name is Vita.