as I’m The Perfect Grief…

don’t ask me anything when I’m sad,

keep your mouth in silence,

stop your curiosity  or I might guilt to set you in pain

as I’m the perfect grief…

don’t try to catch me when I’m on my tears

I try to hide it from the world…

I’m broken anytime ..somehow,

but letting you know will be my biggest mistakes,

just stop your curiosity,

as I’m a perfect grief...

In my silence I speak,

how everything is getting mess and mess,

It’s getting bigger and bigger for each second,

it starts scaring me  for sure,

I could not make up my mind,

and I don’t want anyone to know..

that I cry and want to scream out in most of my times,

as I almost meet my end..

as I almost end within my tragedy…

was and still, perfect grief was my destiny,

you don’t have to understand,

you don’t have to know,

let it be my burdened,

let me face it and make me grow  weaker,

well in fact I’m still so thankful…

I’m not commit for anything,

I’m not cry for every injured

it was my grief in silence,

It speaks in my world and people would not understand,

That I feel so lost, insecure and go astray,

It’s way too far… and no one can’t even save me,

not even Lord!

nothing but emptiest hole in my heart

*Photo Credit: Silver Spiral

Let Me Be The Superhero or Somebody Else

In this darkest hour,

I heard the shout and cry,

I heard the pain,

it’s like a blood war, tears are everywhere…

but I just could hear…

I couldn't give my hands for help,

I was trap into the fire,

have my body too weak,

but seeing my friend and relatives lives in their last breathe,

I felt so worthless….

so useless…..

why I were not within them??

I wish I were the superhero,

when you screamed then I’ll be there…

I wish I were the superhero,

when you shouted then I come and heal your pain…

I wish I were the superhero,

so I could be your savior and never saw you in trouble…

but I’m not…

I felt so worthless to trap in this dark edge,

just wanna jump everytime I came to the end!

just wanna escape anytime I feel weak!

just wanna lost anytime my courage disappear!

I wish I were the superhero,

but I’m not…

I’m not coming from Galaxy and contain the neutron,

I didn't even get bite by the spider,

I didn't even look good in the mirror!!

I didn't even deserve for a bit of mercy and luck!

I didn't even….I...          

I wish I were the superhero,

but I’m not!!

I was the first candle lost her light,

I do hope lighten the earth, but I was burnt less than second,

then should I wish to be somebody else??

just to make me feel better and leave this burdened

just to ensure I had so much better option?

and finally you have no chance to judge me and think me worst??

I do not have wings nor root,

so I could not fly nor stand on the earth,

I wish I were the superhero, but I’m not!

I wish to be somebody else..

so I could start to pretend

that I never get hurt for this inconvenience,

that I never been so serious thinking of you,

that I never been so sad and never been scream that bad!

Photo Credit: coolchaser(.)com

Torn into Pieces....

I don’t know if this a dark poem or an honest word,

I’m not even sure if this about me or about other,

I’m just curious who really I am??

Who am I??

I’m curious if I were meant to be for you or not,

I’m curious if I want my life to be this way or not,

I never find the answer…

NEVER!!

I’m not ready for this,

I can’t rely on me,

future seems to be blur,

tomorrow seems to be so scary

I don’t even sure if I wish tomorrow I’m still alive,

I don’t even know if I were important for somebody,

I don’t even think somebody need me to trough another day,

I doubt myself at all..!

I don’t think I saw myself had grown into the lady

I don’t think I would move or just stuck on this way…

I’m torn into pieces!

I know you were not for me,

and I know I must be living my life alone!

I’m not regret nor feel disturbed,

I hope it’s go on, but my heart seems already numb,

what about tomorrow?

for me there’s no tomorrow!

My mother had left me,

You left me,

my brother left me,

and God even did so…

then what I can expect for tomorrow?

Hope the hero comes and save my life??

No, this is not a fairytale sadly!

It’s all been gone,

I don’t know if this a dark poem or an honest word,

I hope nothing for tomorrow,

NOTHING!!

send me into the cage so I can’t move at all!

Because there’s no tomorrow,

it means no chance to grow,

my chronicle has just ended!

no time to breath, the light has turn off,

and I’m torn into pieces…!

Photo Credit: silverspiral(.)org

Honestly..

Honestly….

I’m done!

I’m gone!

I’m lost!

nothing you could expect anymore!

I’m all about give up,

I’m all about dying,

I’m all about missing,

the game is over!

Honestly this is what I feel..

plain,

empty,

lonely,

deep frustrated,

being isolated,

being intervened,

so suffered…!!

Honestly I can’t do this anymore,

something better,

laugh out loud,

cheerful,

talk active,

helpful,

sincere,

pure…!

I lost my integrity at all!

I lost my insight..

and everything...

Honestly this is my face right now..

Sorrow,

no compliment,

dark,

awkward,

mess,

no blow!

Honestly,

I save my regret in you…

wish you left, but I love you more than ever,

a bit of complicated

but at least you know..

I’m not fine at all right now!

you knew I’m the greatest liar ever,

those are the truth that I’d never admit,

I live in another shadow and fake myself every day,

pretend to be happy, but actually I’m not!

pretend to smile, but inside too much hurt,

pretend to be strong, but whenever too much fragile,

I want to be rebel, but the circumstance never conspiring!

In my behalf, everything was done

In my philosophy everything was gone,

and honestly, let me choose…

to left this and start another page write by me!

a blank page!

Honestly,

I just wish I weren’t me!

God.. Can I?

Photo Credit: Good Reads

I See The Picture, I Can’t Modify…

Today I received the scary fact,

at the first, I promised to not pass this early!

It’s a bit of complicated,

and I just  think I’m too young to settle!

it’s make me so scare then..

Next days, next months,

I can see the picture, I realize can’t modify it,

I can draw a piece of line, but I have no right to recolor

everything seems to be dark!

I had much worry!

I can’t see the light left in my room!

How could I regret if I don’t know where the north is

I’m full of confuse, but no one give me the choice

They said A, then turn me to A,

But the X said I must be the B, then turn me to B,

Y wish I can be D, and fake me to be D,

*Sigh..* Hhhhh…. it never what I want..

My aims are not what above, I just want to jump into the K!!

I’m mature enough to decide what I want

I’m smart enough to decide where to go

and I’m the first person who know what I really want to be..

if only they understand...

Photo Credit: mockeryoflove.wordpress.com

Can I be just Fine? -Dark Poetry

Can I be just fine?

when I open my eyes…

start my days with this sorrow,

I’m the trouble!

my life is a super trouble!

I hate this situation,

and wish skipping this step..

NOW!!

Can I be just fine??

when I know tomorrow is always been my bad day

People scold at me,

I live this scary alone

Spiritless…

Heartless…

Can I be just fine?

walk through this empty room,

and I know there’s no hope

and no more dream to chase

Can I be just fine?

when I open my eyes…

just realize I was sent to another stranger space,

there’s no live here!

I feel so much frightened…

this situation is getting worse and worse

Can I be just fine?

knowing no one care about me

knowing I’m weird and defect

and my life is all about sorrow and dark tunnel

I always pray to get my life over!

Oh God, I swear I wish this over !!

I have no hope left!

Can I be just fine?

there’s only the sadness in my face..

this line is look more real..

I can’t smile,

just tears flew in my check

Oh, Gosh!

I want to take a rest,

I want to sleep for now…

for tomorrow…

the next days…

for then…

next year..

and for forever…

and I know ..

it may the only way to make feel little better

*Photo Credit: ashadeofpen(dot)wordpress(dot)com